A Big Thump

I have to chronicle my journey. I want to look back and see what I have learned. I have been meditating to Dr. Brian Weiss' regressions MP3's.

The first memory I had, was of myself and my son in the stone age. He was on my hip and I was hurrying through the woods. I have no idea where this was or why we were running. The next thought was of me dying. He accidently shot me with a bow and arrow and I died. He is now my son in this life.

The second memory I had was of myself walking over a hill. It was somewhere in Greece, in 1752 or something like that. I can't remember the exact date (see, I should have written it down!). I was returning from somewhere but there was no-one around me. I couldn't see what I had on my feet or what I was wearing. My life ended on the hill, before I reached my home. Who were at home, I don't know. I had a heart attack or something. It wasn't a profound memory and the memory is not the reason I am telling you this. 

When the meditation was guided to "come back", I felt something - my soul? higher self - THUMP back into my body. It was an extraordinary feeling. 

Hello Ego

It's so funny how the ego wants to hold on to its authority. It can attract ways and means to soothe and boost itself to become important again.

For me, overcoming my ego is a constant work in progress. In a perfect world on a perfect day my day would start with morning meditations, a jog or a swim, a walk in my garden. However, most of my mornings are filled waking up with my hair on end, scrambling to get the kids awake, dressed and ready for the day, a quick coffee and then work.

I realize how important it is to centre and become still each day. It's not always possible in a household with kids and chaos. So here's what I try to do:

My son goes to sleep at around 9-10am, When I've put him to bed, I do Reiki precepts and the Hatsurei ho meditation. The energy I envelop myself with gives me energy for the day. I also like to "feel" a real connection to the spirit world and by doing energy work I feel this the most. I then vary my meditations. I either do an energy shower or some affirmations or just sit and invite my spirit guide to sit with me. Sometimes I have a question, sometimes I just still my mind. It helps listening to music and my favorite at the moment is Compassion with Tingsha. (I am not sure which version it is, I got it from my Reiki instructor).

My affirmations which I am working on at the moment include:

• I am patience
• I am understanding
• I am learning
• I am creative
• I am good enough
• I am exactly where I am suppose to be
• I am healthy
• My mind and body is healthy
• I attract teachers into my life

For me it's a decision I have to make each day to become conscious. I've had many experiences where I experience the here and now, God, Jesus, my spirit guides - whatever you want to call them. But during a busy day these experiences tend to fade and we live in a physical dense world. I cannot lock myself in my house all day and meditate. I have to go out and deal with people, feel their energy, be careful that they don't affect my energy field and make decision based on ego or spirit.

One day I will look back on these posts and realize my soul is doing is effortlessly. For now, I am focusing on I am.

Birthing

At the end of last year, I attended a meditation course in Cape Town. I predominately did it to prepare for the upcoming birth of my son. After birthing my baby girl naturally but being quite unprepared for what came, I wanted to welcome him calmly into the world. I wanted to be able to go inside myself and overcome the immense pressure of contractions. (You can also call it "pain". :-))

At the time that I attended the course, I didn't really understand what was being said. The facilitator spoke about our Higher Self (soul) and our Emotional self (ego). He explained how everything was relative to what we perceived to be experiencing. 

He taught us how to still our minds, to listen to "God", to ask, to receive and to let go. During one such deep meditation (you must remember I have never read about anything like this before then. I had no frame of reference), I went to the sister of a work collegue who was in a coma after a car accident. I saw myself and who I thought was Jesus go to her hospital bed. We placed our hands on her body and light streamed out. I asked the facilitator why I would have experienced that but his answer was to just go with it. That night I saw the collegue's facebook status update that his sister opened her eyes. I am not sure if it had anything to do with what I saw but my interest in energy healing was awoken. 

I also saw a bright light being flashed in my eyes and only now realise it was the jerk I was about to experience to wake up. 

After the course, I tried to make sense of it but realise now I wasn't ready. I didn't understand. I kept doing hypnobirth meditations and spoke to my son a lot. His birth went well and I was able to go inside myself. To see him bounce energetically to be born. It was a start.

A Slight Stirring

I woke up on 8 July, 2012. It was a few days before my eldest child's birthday and I have just recovered from being quite sick.

Being brought  up Christian and in a very conservative church, beings of light, energy healing and anything remotely related to New Age was taboo. My parents event went to evenings where they were told how "bad" New Age is. They were warned against it and I grew up believing it was bad. Not even knowing what it really was.

Anything to do with positive thinking, meditation, power of the Self was seen as Buddist. Eastern and therefore "from the devil".

Looking back, I can see the seeds that were sown along the way. The markers that have been put in place to wake me up.

The first distinctive marker was my son. He is now 11 months old. On the morning he was conceived, my husband and I had a huge fight. We went to bed angry. Conceiving a baby was the last thing from our minds. I remember being woken up at 4 am in the morning. Literally waking up. My son's soul told me he is ready to come. He is on his way. I have to make sure he is conceived. It was definitive. I trusted him completely. I knew from that moment that he is on his way. I made a plan to wake up my husband and so my son's human host body was conceived. That morning something started stirring in me. Little did I know what I was about to discover.